14 9-1-1 Emergencies Ranked From Weird To Horrific

Getting impaled sounds pretty horrifying, but just imagine getting stuck in a window next to a bag of your own poo on the worst first date ever. In Season 3, Episode 12 of “9-1-1” (“Fools”) that’s exactly what happened to one poor soul. After a successful dinner date, online match Gary (Jeremy Culhane) and Tessa (Rachel Rosenbloom) are ready to Netflix and chill. But just as their steamy makeout sesh is kicking off, Tessa breaks the first rule of Date Club: you poop before, you poop after, but you never poop during.

Gary’s toilet isn’t up to the challenge of Tessa’s vegan diet, and loverboy doesn’t have a plunger. Tessa panic-flushes the toilet to the point of flooding, then scoops her solids into one of Gary’s hand towels, tying it up like a doodoo dim sum to toss it out his second-story apartment window. When the devil’s dumpling lands on the ledge, Tessa’s horror compounds — and in a moment of pure instinct, she climbs onto the window frame and squeezes out the window to knock it off. But she doesn’t quite reach the tofurkey towel, and instead gets helplessly stuck halfway out the window.

Thankfully, the 118 are quick to save the day, even if it means dodging Tessa’s boom-boom bomb as it falls off the ledge. Perhaps more thankfully for Tessa, the story has a happy ending when, despite having his original wood cut out, Gary invites her to stick around. After all, the heart wants what the heart wants.

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